How do I have ‘that’ conversation with my aging parents?

Talking with mum or dad about the possibility of transitioning into residential aged care can be a stressful and difficult time for you and them.

We often see that mum or dad don’t want to move into residential aged care – quite often they want to stay at home as long as possible. This could be for many reasons. They may have built their house, have cherished memories that they don’t want to forget, fear of losing their independence or they might even have a negative association with residential aged care.

Moving permanently into residential aged care is a major life transition. As with any significant change, feelings of loss, fear, uncertainty and sadness are common for you and your family member.

How we can help

We have developed these suggestions to help discuss moving into residential aged care with mum or dad:

• Sit down over a cup of coffee or tea to lighten the mood
• Speak openly and honestly about why you feel mum or dad need to move into aged care
• Use ‘I’ statements to speak openly and honestly with mum or dad about their care needs. This will help you explain your reasoning and make mum or dad less likely to become defensive
• Suggest short-term respite care at Abbeyfield House or another aged care residence to let mum or dad experience aged care living before moving in permanently
• Show them photographs of the residence you’d like mum or dad to move into to remove any negative association with aged care living
• Offer to take mum or dad on a tour of the residence

Your feelings are important too

Never feel like you’ve failed your mum or dad because they need to move into residential aged care. There comes a point in life when the elderly are unable to care for themselves and you can’t always help them do this by yourself.

If you have any concerns about transitioning mum or dad into residential aged care, please talk to our CEO Deb Rantall or Director of Care Phil Irvine (pictured above) who can help make the transition as easy as possible.

We value the contribution of all of the residents in our aged care communities and will always make mum or dad feel as comfortable as possible when they move into Abbeyfield.